Things to do or take with you
DO
✔ Save & upload content to your own host
✔ Post a link on my tag board so I can visit you too! (:
DO NOT
✖ Steal, edit blah blah blah...
✖ Use to link to any noody-doody websites
✖ Share to strange sites you wouldn't show to your grandma
If you break any of these rules then I hope you step on a lego.
Take a goat home with you
Kid
Teacup
Toughie
Take one home with you
Dumpling Bear
Gingerbread Man
Micro Organisms
Totoro
Take one home with you
Winnie The Pooh
Take one home with you
Seasons
Zodiac
Use the materials provided to make your own dolls
Use the materials provided to make your own dolls
Use the materials provided to make your own dolls
Ask the crystal ball a yes or no question
Amusing things for you to read
Jokes
Dad Jokes & one liners
• Breaking news: A man has taken it upon himself to learn the art of origami backwards. More on this story as it unfolds
• Breaking news: A man who took an airline to court for losing his luggage has lost his case
• I didn't think the chiropractor would be able to fix my back but I stand corrected
• If I had a book store, I'd make the mystery section really hard to find
• Interested to know if any of my friends believe in telekinesis. Please raise my hand if you do
• The hardest part about buying a new boomerang is throwing the old one away
• How obsessed with Harry Potter are you? On a scale from 1-10 I'd have to say 9 & 3 quarters
• What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two
• What do we want? Racecar noises! When do we want them? Neeeooowww
• What do you call a caring ρяσѕтιтυтє? Someone who gives a ғυcĸ
• Two guys walk into a bar, the bartender walks over & another guy walks out of the bar. It's not a joke I'm just watching people walk around the bar
Poorly Defined
Incorrect definitions of words
Jiujitsu (noun)
jiu•jit•su | jü-‘jit-(,)sü
1. The gentle art of folding clothes while people are still wearing them
2. Involuntary yoga
Puns
Have some fun with puns
• Everyone else has their beer jackets on. I'm wearing my bacardigan
• I can't believe it's pancake day again already. It just crêped up on me
• Steven: Good evening. Stephen: Good ephening
Quotes
Some of my favourite quotes I've heard, read or said
• Alexa, skip to Friday
• Don't get mad. Get balloons
• Do what you love even if you suck
• Hi ho hi ho it's off the rails I go
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative
• I like going to Ikea just to watch couples fight
• I like my coffee so strong that it wakes my neighbours
• I'm like 14 people packed into one body. Spin the wheel, вιтcн
• I'm not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example
• I've decided to leave my past behind me. If I owe you money I'm sorry, I've moved on
• No, I checked my receipt. I didn't buy any of your вυℓℓѕнιт
• Nothing like a cold beer, after a nice cold beer
• иυ∂єѕ are so last year. Send me money
• Sometimes you've just got to chuck it in the ғυcĸ it bucket and move on
• When you wake up and need a nap
Shower Thoughts
Things to ponder in the shower
• Choosing battles is considered good advice but picking fights is considered bad advice
• The word separate is written all together but all together is written spearately
• The word short has more letters in it than long does
Unfortunate Events
Short, unfortunate stories
• As I looked at my naked body in the mirror I thought to myself "I'm gonna get thrown out of Ikea in a minute"
• Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Please leave your name, number & a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text
• Screaming into a pillow is therapeutic but also gets you kicked out of Ikea
• The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for days
• The news is basically someone saying "good afternoon" & then giving you a list of reasons why it isn't
• Today's hairstyle is called: I haven't brushed my teeth either
Stupid
Airhorn sound. *
Second airhorn sound. *
Me: This isn't deodorant
Going nowhere
Friend 1: I got engaged!
Friend 2: I've been promoted!
Me: One more stamp on my loyalty card & I get a free coffee
And I mean nobody
Taxi driver: I love my job! I'm my own boss, nobody tells me what to do.
Me: Turn left here
My very best
Am I the most attractive woman out there? Of course not
But do I have a good personality? Well, no
But do I wake up every day & try to be the best person I can be? Also no
Stupid
Puts handful of potpourri in mouth. *
Me: This isn't bombay mix
Useless Tips
You probably shouldn't follow any of these
The more you know...
How to dry your hair:
1. Put loud music on
2. Headbang uncontrollably
3. Accidentally hit head & pass out
4. Wake up six hour later
• Tip!: Add a touch of magic to your cold by putting glitter in your mouth before you sneeze
• Tip!: If you forget your safe word, calling out the wrong name usually works just as well
• Tip!: When people send you a text saying call me, call them back & when they answer just say text me & hang up.
• Tip!: The next time someone tells you that you look familiar & tries guessing where they know you from, just for a laugh ask them if they watch ρσяи & wait for their reaction
some content may not be suitable for younger readers
For you to use on your own page
For you to use on your own page
For you to use on your own page
